Hi, (redacted unless I get another one of these)!

What a coincidence — I was about to send you an unsolicited email suggesting you outsource your email marketing activities to us! I figured you’re probably pretty frustrated with your current provider, since they’ve been ignoring our repeated replies that we aren’t in the market for your services, and to please take us off your list.

True, we aren’t skilled in the use of great buzzword like “product DNA,” and I don’t think we could use the phrase “technology patents” the same way you do without grinding my molars to dust.

But we do know how to protect your company’s reputation from the kind of practices that make you look like self-aggrandizing ignorant spammers. And for a modest $100,000 retainer for the coming six months, we’d be happy to do that simply by shutting down your entire email marketing program.

Honestly, I think it’s money well spent. From my perspective, anyway.

Alternately, please remove us from your mailing list.