Orlando, Florida – “She’s a law-breaking illegal immigrant, and she’s getting everything she deserves,” Bill O’Reilly said today as INS agents escorted a heavily-sedated Dora the Explorer from Nickelodeon’s studios into a waiting van. She was flown to her country of birth, an undisclosed but boldly colored Latin American nation.
For O’Reilly, it was the successful culmination of his month-long “Dora the Exploiter” campaign, conducted through his highly-rated TV and radio shows. “Let me draw you a map,” O’Reilly said in a broadcast three nights ago. “Warrant… handcuffs… airplane home.”
O’Reilly was supported by a range of right-wing bloggers and commentators, including Michelle Malkin, who labelled Dora “that dykey, tykey Osama Bin Laden in a pink t-shirt,” and Ann Coulter, who demanded that Dora be “either kicked out of the country or dropped in a real live melting pot.”
The arrest came after a three-day seige of Nickelodeon headquarters by several hundred Young Republican demonstrators. The crowd thinned after Dora was taken into custody and several cheers of “We did it, we did it, we did it, yay!” A core group of diehard protestors remained and pressed for the expulsion of her cousin, chanting “Go, Diego, go!”
Dora’s personal effects were confiscated by a masked orange fox. Her monkey companion Boots was turned over to the ASPCA, where he was humanely euthanized.