It’s quarter to nine on the eve — judging by the media coverage — of a provincial election, in which I’ll be working flat out to craft the kind of deft prose that will wend its way past the gatekeepers of journalism and into the eyes and ears of BC voters. (Rule one: that’s my last run-on sentence for the next 29 days.)

So what better time for an invasion of carpenter ants?

Fans of Formicidae Camponotus will be delighted to hear of the emergence of a copious swarm of winged queens, signalling the colony has reached maturity — and the future of every member, from the creakiest old worker to the tiniest pasty larva, has been genetically secured. And in our bedroom, no less. Lucky us.

While Premier Dosanjh is gazing out the window of his office, pondering the battle to come, and Garde Gardom’s people are scrambling to hide the nice china, we’ll be welcoming the nice man from the Ant Removal Bureau and his funny little machine that pumps the nice green dust into our walls.

I’m hoping that it won’t be too persistent. Handing over speeches that include references to giant macaroni-breathing iguanas doesn’t strike me as a confidence-inspiring move. (Although maybe it’s a metaphor for the Gordon Campbell tax cut. Hmmm… I can do something with that…)

Maybe I wouldn’t be the only one in an altered state of consciousness. Here’s the word from Net Pulse, an e-politics newsletter from Phil Noble:

“If you’re frugal, you can read a newspaper [online] without paying for it.”

– – Freshman U.S. Sen. George Allen, R-Va., on how he personally uses the Internet. A recent Scripps-Howard News Service story said Allen was being groomed as a high-tech spokesman for Republicans.

Oh, God… next he’s going to explain how you can also store recipes on your computer and use it to write your term paper. “And you can store it all on these cool little floppy disks!”

George, if you’re really frugal, I can show you how to observe the miracle of insect life without paying for an ant farm. C’mon by some time.

Subscribe to SpeechList

Insight, advice and ideas for speechwriting, speaking and leadership communications — from my inbox to yours.

Thanks for signing up! Now just one more step: check your email inbox for a confirmation link, and you're all set!