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Woman walking in on a man doom-scrolling over breakfast in the kitchen: "Oh, god. What are we marking ourselves safe from today?"

Another day, another… augh.

Another day, another… augh. published on

Things you may be marking yourself safe from

  • The dog farting in the corner
  • The zeitgeist
  • Any interest in watching that Matt Rife special
  • The imminent collapse of democra—… oops, spoke too soon
  • Seeing that once-in-a-lifetime celestial event, because you live in Vancouver and it clouded over of course
  • Excessive climate stability
  • Any obligation to be on Twitter any more
  • As of July, crows divebombing you during nesting season
  • Just (waves at everything)
  • Your nemesis… although defeating them took far more than you had ever bargained for, costing all you truly valued and taking you past every moral and ethical line that defined you, turning you into this dark, shattered hull of a person; and only now do you see it was just a silly misunderstanding you could have cleared up by picking up the phone. Oh, well, live and learn.

The i of the hurricane

The i of the hurricane published on 2 Comments on The i of the hurricane

This special bonus cartoon is for everyone out East who’s drying off, mopping up or wringing out. (I held off on posting it until it was clear this wasn’t going to be a Katrina-level disaster.)

Paging David Pogue

Paging David Pogue published on 4 Comments on Paging David Pogue

If the planet came with a manual, I have to think it would carry some pretty serious warnings about certain activities:

Offshore petroleum drilling: THIS IS NOT A SUPPORTED FEATURE OF PLANET EARTH. Using this feature may void your warranty and may cause issues including – but not limited to – unavailability of the Plenty-O-Shrimp feature, increased beach viscosity and unexpected dolphin termination. UNDER NO CIRCUMSTANCES SHOULD YOU BURN ANYTHING OBTAINED THROUGH THE USE OF THIS FEATURE. This can lead to your system running at dangerously high temperatures.

Added: Oh, curse of knowledge, you scamp. When I wrote this, it didn’t occur to me that people might not know David Pogue is the guy behind the absolutely wonderful Missing Manual series, published by O’Reilly Media.